Friday, May 4, 2012

New: Confessions of a Cutter

I have a new eBook out, but it is not a work of fiction. It's a memoir.  It's available as an eBook for Kindle by clicking here.

You may have noticed that I don't write "straight" romance or erotica. It's always a little twisted, a little sad. I write mostly about why people have sex, and all the awful and wonderful things that go along with it. The wiring, instead of just the plumbing, as it were. I'm very interested in why people do what they do, for right or for wrong.

That has to do with what kind of person I am, and where I came from. And I am a cutter. Or rather, I was a cutter, from ages 11 to 19. And though I don't talk about it to regular folks, I think it was the best thing I could do, and a symptom of a plain desire to persist, even through all kinds of fuckery, if you will.



I hope some folks will read it. It is a true thing, though I realize it is an uncomfortable and horrible story. Here is an excerpt:

We were there for a very long time. Hours. Several other people came in and out for questioning sessions. They asked me what penises looked like, what happened to them, what I did to them, how they felt. They asked me to describe an erection and I remember saying it was very smooth and soft, like baby skin, but firm underneath. They looked at each other.


I remember asking why they kept repeating the same questions over and over. The Asian officer told me to excuse him, because his old age made him forget things, and just answer the questions please. They asked me what semen tasted like. I told them. They wanted to know dates, times, and other correlating events.


The counselor excused herself. The Asian officer crossed his arms. I giggled and he asked me why I was smiling. I said I didn’t know and made some sort of awkward joke - I don’t remember what now. I wanted to make him like me.


He told me they had decided they didn’t believe me. There were too many inconsistencies in my story. Also, my mother was there.

 Please go to Amazon.com to read more...

Monday, April 30, 2012

New: Waiting for David

A new story is available on Amazon for Kindle readers. Click here to download for Kindle. 


EXCERPT

He shifted his weight, pushing her back onto the sofa and lying next to her, hard against her. He reached down to stroke the back of her knee. He kissed her deeply, breathing hard through his nose and sucking, then nibbling on her lower lip. His hand stroked and circled her knee, then slid up her thigh, under her skirt. She tried to push her knees closed and opened her eyes.

 “Wait a second,” she breathed. “Wait.”

 He stilled his hand where it was, warm and strong and dry on her thigh. He searched her eyes. “It’s all right,” he whispered. He kissed her gently on the cheek and forehead, whispered in her ear, “This is amazing. I don’t want to stop. Please don’t make me stop.”

 Trina felt his breath in her ear and shuddered. It was so strange to feel someone so in sync, to kiss someone so instantly in tune with what she wanted. She relaxed her knees slightly. He buried his face in her neck and bit her gently. She realized she was raising her hips to him as he stroked her thigh up and down, teasing, reaching farther up each time.

 … Please download to read more ...

Saturday, April 21, 2012

The Boy, Louis and Other Stories is Free Today!

Today on Amazon.com, go get "The Boy, Louis and Other Stories" for free for your Kindle. Leave me a review if you like it, that would be lovely. Click Here. xoxo

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Tanya and Mark



Tanya and Mark sat together near the long dark windows on the ocean side of the living room, perched on the back of the settee, watching the party silently with icy glasses of bourbon in their identically raised hands. They looked like brother and sister, like sentries, like guardians of either the door or the partygoers.

Neither drank their cocktails, just held them still in their lifted hands. Neither spoke, and no one else seemed interested in speaking to them. They were dressed impeccably.

Every few moments, Tanya seemed to shrink a little inside herself. She became smaller, her large eyes correspondingly larger. Mark would lean into her slightly and she would firm up, sit up straighter, resume a confident pose.

The music changed, groups of people disbanded and reformed. Mark slipped his hand over Tanya's knee and up the inside of her thigh, under the hem of her beaded dress. She sat up straighter. Her hair fell in a fringe over her eyes. She reached up and moved her hair aside, revealing a light spiderwork of scars over her eyebrow and eyelid, and a slightly, but prettily distorted bone structure underneath.

A tall redhead sailed toward the settee, smiling, ready. But as she approached the couple, their watchful posture hinted that she was unwelcome in their sphere. Not rudely, it was just that they appeared to exist mostly for each other.

Something about the way she held her jaw indicated that Tanya was not a native English speaker. She had grown up in Bulgaria, and came to the US just after she turned twenty. As a child, her mother had left her with aunts while she worked in a small jewelry and antique shop near the US embassy. The aunts told fortunes for the neighbor wives and entertained loud young men each night after the shops closed, throwing scarves over the lamps to light the room in pink and ochre, playing tinny music from a transistor radio, smoking, drinking rakia by gulps from small glasses.

When the loud young men arrived, the aunts put up their hair and washed out their under arms, sending the little girl to the cupboard under the kitchen washbasin. Tanya's big eyes and thick black hair falling over her face, her small quick hands, her bony knees and dirty feet - all these things charmed the drunk foreign boys and they let her stay when she crept into the pungent bedroom to stare at them.  

After some drunken chatter, inevitably the men would fall onto her aunts on the cushions, pushing their hands into their blouses, tearing at their skirts. The women giggled and showed their knees, wrapping their legs about the men's hips, flirting with their eyes, kissing them all over with tiny pecks from their reddened lips....
Click here to read the rest of this story on Smashwords...

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

So where did I go?

Ah, feels like starting over. That's OK, I don't mind. In 2000, I had a short story in Best Women's Erotica. You would think that would be the beginning of a beautiful career. Wired.com liked my "lush prose." I liked writing my lush prose.

But that was the last thing I tried to publish. Where did I go?

Well... I could spin a yarn about being held as the personal consort of a charming kalif in Dubai, but the truth is more mundane - I got a job, then another, then another. Went up, went down. Learned a few tricks along the way - all of which I relate to you eventually.

Anyhow, I am back. I have a GIANT stack of stories, and more ideas than that. I'll share. We'll get to know each other... It will be nice.

Monday, April 16, 2012

CH 1 - The House On The Beach

When she arrived at the rental, Hedda found the real estate agent had left a note on the door: Key Under Mat. Suspicious, she bent down to get the key and let herself in. The house was what you'd expect.

It smelled like an old camper. Downstairs: kitchen, dining room, living room. The dining room set was a bar-height table with backless benches. The living room had a television, desk, slipcovered Ikea sofa and two matching chairs. Framed posters on the walls. Upstairs: two identical white bedrooms with queen beds, a bathroom between them. One faced the PCH. The other faced the sea. She wasn't sure which one to pick.

Hedda padded back downstairs with her shoes still on and the key still in her hand. The mildewy smell was giving her a headache. After a moment's hesitation, she opened the screen door onto the small, walled back garden and blast of ocean sounds filled the house. Seagulls, people just beyond the wall, highway noises, and above it all, a thundering of water falling all over itself to get to shore. Better? Even with the complicated ocean smell... well, she wasn't sure yet.

The garden was surrounded by a six foot brick wall with an arched door at the end that led to the public beach. Hedda decided not to venture out. Beyond the door, surely dozens of Californians, oily and burnt, strewn about the sand with their limbs out like they'd been dropped there. A big violent ocean. White sand and blasting sunlight that clapped together with all the people between them like hands slapping flies out of the air. Altogether: too much.

There were piles of sand in the corners of the garden. She took off her tennis shoes to feel the bricked patio and the fine white sand on her feet. The sensation was very bright, distinct. She stood on her toes and pivoted a little, hearing the small scrape, feeling the temperature change in the deeper part of the sand pile.

"Just in time," she thought, realizing that this sensation, like so many others, was keyed way too high. The man next to her on the airplane had set her on alert, leaning over her lap to retrieve a pen from the floor, making eye contact, leaning in to repeat what he'd said and brushing her earlobe with his lips. He seemed friendly, open, and she had wondered if this is where her story was going to begin.

Eventually he had fallen asleep, leaning gently on her shoulder and breathing softly down the front of her blouse. She stayed in her seat, unmoving, feeling her legs very clearly in her jeans and this stranger's breath on her breasts. She felt like a petty thief.

When the plane started its descent to LAX she reached over carefully and squeezed his arm, noting the sturdy mass of muscle inside his dress shirt. He opened his eyes and blinked, looking confusedly at her. Then he smiled politely and shifted toward the window.  When the plane landed he pulled a satchel from under the seat in front of him and made for the aisle, deplaning in a right hurry. Hedda took her time getting into the terminal, a little reddened, still on alert, and followed the shuffling throng to the taxi stand.

She cupped her hand over her eyes and looked up on either side of the wall to the neighboring houses. These were grand: tall, slender, with cabled railings and elegant UV-coated windows rising  very high to solar-paneled roofs. Very tall, in fact. The rental seemed squat and frumpy. She wondered briefly how it had remained that way while everything around it had gotten so sleek.

Hedda went back inside and left the door open to air the place out. She wasn't sure what to do next. Unpack? She wandered to the kitchen and opened the cabinets. There were four of everything: plates, coffecups, juiceglasses, wineglasses, soup bowls. Four of each piece of flatware. A full set of used but clean pots and pans.

On the counter the management company had left a thoughtful notepad and pen. She wrote, "Wine" in big letters. In the refrigerator, there was nothing except a box of baking soda and a cellophaned basket of fruits, table crackers, chocolate and a bottle of pino grigio.

Hedda grabbed the note off the basket and tore open the cellophane. Holding the note between her lips she opened drawer after drawer to find a corkscrew. Eventually she found a cache of cooking tools and opened the wine, pouring it into a juiceglass that immediately frosted with condensation. The note read, "Welcome To House."




Sunday, April 15, 2012

The Boy, Louis, now available on Amazon

My darlings, it's been so long! I apologize for dropping out of the life, but I am back now. After appearing in Best Women's Erotica 2000, I landed a job that took me all over the place. I have much to tell you.

I've just published a collection of four short stories for Kindle on Amazon.com. Today they are free! Please go download, share, tell your friends.

The Boy, Louis first appeared on Erotasy.com, which is now a different website. But way back when, it was an erotic literature site. You know, classy. "The Instigator" also appeared on erotasy.com and was in the short story collection "Best Women's Erotica 2000," edited by Marcy Sheiner. Two other stories are in the collection: "Just This One Life" in which a woman dreams she is a desperate peasant with a daughter to care for at any price. And "Bloom" is a luxurious, jubilant praising of a sexual awakening, almost more poem than prose.

More to come soon. I promise. I have a novel in the works. I'll post chapters here. Sorry for the brevity - just wanted to say hello!